Like the typical Nigerian girl’s experience, I was not allowed to date when I was younger. I never truly understood what it meant to date, to court, or even to be in a relationship with the opposite sex. This stemmed from my parents’ upbringing and their idea of protection, which is a whole other story in itself.
But this is not that type of story. This is not a story about romantic love. Nor is it a story about how to get a boyfriend—no.
Though I wasn't allowed to date as a child, the unintended result of this upbringing was that I formed deep, unbreakable bonds with the women around me. I may not know much about men, but I know women. I know the beauty of women, the strength of women, and the heart of women. Don’t count the girls who have not been in many relationships out when it comes to love, because they, too, know what it means to love. As we have passed Valentine’s Day, I thought it appropriate to praise the women who have shaped me into who I am today. They have shown me what it means to be a true girls’ girl.
These are the women who, despite everything going on in their own lives, have chosen to be burden-bearers. Always showing up when a friend calls for support and being a listening ear in times of pain, heartache, love, and celebration.
These are the women who have shown me kindness in its truest form. Yes, we have fought, and we will probably fight again, but they have also shown me surrender, humility, and meekness.
These are the women who have brought me laughter, reminding me that no matter the situation, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
So, when I think about love, I think about them—Abiola, Damilola, Olapeju, Annaliza, Gbemisola, Mayowa, and Ayotunde, just to name a few. Love is not only found in romance. It is found in the quiet support of friends, the laughter shared between sisters, and the unwavering presence of the women who lift us up.
And for that, I am endlessly grateful.
I hope this inspires you to reevaluate how you show up in your friendships. To think about the people in your life who have held you up and how you can show up for them in return.
Your friends may not express love exactly as you do, but their love, in its own way, can still be enough to make you feel seen, worthy, and deserving.
Conflicts don’t have to mean endings; they can be opportunities to grow, to listen, and to understand each other more deeply. They can open the door to learning how to be a better friend, to practicing empathy, and to seeing things from a perspective outside your own. It doesn’t always have to mean cutting someone off, it can mean learning how to love each other better.
Have the hard conversations and the fun ones too. Go out and do something together, whether it’s an activity you both love or one that your friend enjoys more than you do. Take an interest in the things that matter to them.
It can be choosing to show up, to care, to celebrate, and to stand by each other, even in the smallest ways.
Tell a friend you love them today.
